AJHISI AHALEI

GOBLIN, CRYSTAL DC      May contain 18+ themes ⁑ WU/T OK when RP tag is on ⁑ Discord available upon request
    character is a trans woman; respect trans people or die.   

Talk to the waves as they pull me in

—I believe in God but I'll drown in sin

WU/T  If RP tag is on       DISCORD & MARE  available upon request      

hello!

  OOC.   Thank you for taking the time to check out this carrd for Ajhisi! Just for some background about me, I am 28 years old, live in the Eastern Standard Timezone (EST), and I can typically be found online anywhere between 8:00 PM to around 1:30 AM, or even 2:00 AM if I'm feelin' crazy.I have been writing for my entire life, and I have many, many characters, projects, and writing passions. If i am not online on Ajhisi, I may be online on an alt. Feel free to ask me for my Discord if we start chatting about storylines, and we can also discuss my alts and other characters!I told myself I would try to keep these short, but there are a few things to consider before interacting with me:

18+

I will only interact with 18+ roleplayers. I am 28. I am E/RP friendly, but I will not engage in E/RP with anyone under 18 & this applies to characters, too. I will not engage in E/RP with Lalafells.I will do SFW RP with characters under age 18. I will do SFW RP with Lalafells.

IC=/=OOC

If you approach me while I have the rp tag on, I will assume it's in character unless you use something to distinguish IC from OOC. I do not do OOC "E/RP."

LORE

I've been terrible about paying attention to the story of this game. I do not know much lore. I will not be very lore-compliant because of this. I'm the worst, I know. I do my best not to break the lore, and I will look things up as needed of course, but if you're looking for someone to be 100% lore-compliant, I'm unfortunately not it!I have just started the post-Dawntrail MSQ, but I don't mind spoilers.

LGBTQIA+

Ajhisi is a trans woman. She is not a futanari/f+.I have no patience for transphobes, homophobes, TERFs, bigots, etc. See the home page of this carrd for more info on what to do if you are these things or if you do not respect trans people :)Fellow queer/trans/LGBTQIA2S+ family, I love you. I am here for you if you need a friend.Worried that you/your character will stop being straight if your character flirts/interacts with Ajhisi? Here's a resource for you to learn more about trans people/intimacy with trans people.

yes

  • Mature/Dark RP

  • Adventure/Dungeoneering: If you want Ajhisi to accompany your character through a dungeon, please let me know OOC. Don't just queue us into something without letting me know!

  • E/RP: Yes, even the WU/T kind, within reason.

  • OOC Plotting

  • Short-term RP

  • WU/T if RP Tag is On

  • Event/Venue Invitations

maybe/ask

  • Long-term RP

  • Kidnapping Plots

  • Combat/Action

  • Previously Established Relationships

  • Discord

no

  • E/RP with characters or writers under age 18: No exceptions.

  • Permanent Character Death

  • Nonconsensual Sex or SA

basics

NAME  Ajhisi Ahalei, née MunirNICKNAME/ALIAS  Jhis, Jhisi,TITLES  CaptainAPPARENT AGE  Mid-to-late 20'sACTUAL AGE  Approx. 63 y/oGENDER & PRONOUNS  Woman, Trans; She/TheyORIENTATION  Panromantic PansexualRACE/ETHNICITY  At least half-Viera (Rava)OCCUPATION  Pirate; BanditLANGUAGES  Common; Rava; Huntspeak; Sahagin; Thieves' Cant

background

BIRTHPLACE  An island village to the south of Valnain, OthardFAMILY  Status is mostly unknown; the only member Ajhisi has been in contact with semi-recently is her sibling, Qiraat.SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S)  Lars Lacey (NPC), Keoni Ahalei (NPC), Knell Keats (played by Audie)
    ↳ Open polyamorous relationship
NOTE: Ajhisi is very polyamorous. She will not agree to monogamous relationships, but she is always happy to pursue new partners.

physical

HEIGHT  6’1”HAIR  RedEYES  Amber brown, glinting goldPIERCINGS  Septum; multiple ear piercingsSCARS / TATTOOS / MARKINGS  Various nautical tattoos, many old scars. Freckles dotting the entirety of her body and face.PHYSIQUE/BODY TYPE  Broad-shouldered and lean, with uneven muscular development, suggesting having endured scarcity of nourishment and/or resources while surviving the strain of a demanding and harsh environment. Naturally prone to building muscle easily, but still in recovery.DISTINGUISHING FEATURES  Distinctly uncommon ears—squirrel-like, rather than the Vieran norm.

personality

TRAITS  Loyal · Protective · Thieving (not exceptional at the stealth aspect, but shameless about doing it violently) · Self-confident · Values promises · Brash · Witty · Has a good sense of humour · Sex positive · Easily confused; leads to easy and volatile annoyance · Can be vulgar · Not entirely very bright ·MBTI  Some blend of ISFP & ESTPLIKES  Fighting · Sex/intimacy · Stealing · Sailing · Swimming · Bards · Singing (shanties) · Drinking · Mischief · Cats · Tattoos · Being arrested · Learning languages · ChildrenDISLIKES  Stagnancy · Pears · Oathbreakers · Being even a little bit confused · Surprises · Pestering

other/misc.

VOICE  Clara Paget
      ↳ Generally low-spoken (not soft, just low) and gritty, it can sometimes be difficult to hear Ajhisi when she speaks at a normal volume, especially in crowded places. Their accent is an odd blend—Limsan at times but surely the accent of someone well-traveled.
She has a vocabulary somewhat more developed than the average pirate would be expected to have, but she doesn't try very hard to use it, resorting instead to vulgarity or profanity, rife with creative yet colourful metaphors, idioms, et cetera. If you catch her in the right mood, she might spout something she read in a poem or heard a bard sing about, but whether what she's saying means what she seems to think it means or not is hit-or-miss.

pirate

AJHISI HAS BEEN A PIRATE FOR MOST OF THEIR LIFE. They were born on an island village to the south of Valnain in Othard and, secretly fearing being cast out to the isolated ranks of the Wood-warders, they fled the island with their sibling, Qiraat, in their very early adolescence. The two youths stowed away on a pirate vessel that occasionally used the island as a fuel and resupply stop between Yanxia (Doma), Thavnair, and Ilsabard (Garlemald). Ajhisi has been a part of many crews over their life, filling many roles on-deck and generally devoting herself to seafaring (with the occasional, rare foray into sky piracy as needed).

lost at sea

WHAT IS THE LIFE OF A PIRATE without the occasional shipwreck? Ajhisi has known plenty, though one remains difficult to move on from. It was a voyage meant to lead to a long-lost, fabled trove; instead, the ship—recklessly captained—foundered in treacherous, uncharted waters, the rest of the crew lost or dead.Ajhisi, half-drowned and battered from the impact of the wreck, pulled her partner Keoni ashore with her as soon as she spied him adrift in the water. Their other partner, the ship’s Master Gunner, Lars, bore neither their fate nor their concern. From the shallows, Ajhisi watched in horror and disbelief as he shot the captain, seized the only surviving dinghy, and departed alone—without word or backward glance—leaving her and Keoni marooned on a deserted isle where they would stay, struggling to survive, for over 700 days.It was foolhardy grit—and no small measure of spite—that led to their return to civilization. Ajhisi refused to watch Keoni waste away, so—Llymlaen-blessed and stubborn—day after day for the final few months, she dove into the depths, deeper each time, in search of anything that might serve them. Her efforts were answered not with salvation, but by capture—taken by territorial deep-sea Sahagin.

highwaywoman

WHILE ASHORE, Ajhisi—whether alone or with a select few from her current crew at the time—often spends her time seeking her next target. Fancying herself something of a highwaywoman, this typically involves visiting taverns and brothels, lazily and sometimes tactlessly gathering information on new trade routes, and learning about any necessary precautions to ensure a successful ambush. She listens for news of valuable caravans and notes the vulnerabilities of their guards in the hopes of preparing for her next move.

gaolbird

SHE'S NOT ALWAYS CAUTIOUS, and is often driven by fanciful whims and spur-of-the-moment pursuits born of boredom. This frequently results in stints in local gaols or her face appearing on wanted posters, though these issues typically get resolved or forgotten over time.

piracy.

The obvious one: Ajhisi is a pirate and has been one since her very early adolescence. There is a short period of time while she was marooned on an island and subsequently imprisoned by the Sahagin in which she was not actively engaging in piracy, but other than that, they've been consistently found sea-bound or sky-bound — typically the former. If she's around any of her crew, there's a sense of hierarchical respect for her among them.Maybe your character:• is also a pirate. This could mean they've been part of the same crew in the past, have crossed paths either out at sea or in some other situation, or are currently part of the same crew (discuss with me first, please!)• has crossed paths with Ajhisi in a port town or dockside tavern, brothel, lounge, etc. and recognises her. It's not above her to have started a tavern brawl or caught your eye in some other way.• is a member of the Rogues' Guild. She doesn't spend much time with the guild, but she's been spotted with one or two members on more than one occasion. There's a tense familiarity between Ajhisi and Jacke Swallow.

criminal activity.

Ajhisi hates being stagnant; this hatred of stagnancy has led her to a life of crime, criminal odd jobs, and criminal mischief more often than not, on top of the piracy.Maybe your character:• remembers her from gaol: sometimes crude, cocksure, quietly hot-tempered.• has given her some criminal (or borderline criminal) odd job to complete while she's temporarily on-land.• has seen her around in some shady places...


Maybe you would like for your character to be robbed/assaulted/try to arrest Ajhisi.
• No judgment here if you want your character targeted. Ajhisi will rob just about anyone, highwayman style.Are you bringing your character to an event? We can arrange for Ajhisi to show up and wait for your character to arrive or leave so she can rob them on the way in/out.
     Note: Please make sure the event's rules either allow for combat/conflict or allow for us to ask for permission.
Or if not at an event, we can arrange for it to happen elsewhere in the wilds of Eorzea. This hook works best with adventurer RP, since it has to happen en route to/fro somewhere and not within a venue or city.• As for being assaulted, she does have a bit of a short fuse at times, so it's not unlikely for her to throw a punch, smash a bottle over a head, hit someone with the butt of a gun, <insert violent actions here>, et cetera. It is also not unlikely for her to misunderstand something and react recklessly and wildly out of line, either.• Regarding being arrested: I am okay with writing this out. If the arrest is successful, I would rather carry it out to explore the dynamic between Ajhisi and others in cells, guards, et cetera, rather than it be a one-off of her being arrested and the scene ending there. We can go that route, it's just not my preference.

traveling.

It comes with the territory of being a pirate. She's been many places in some way or another—some places more than once. She frequents Limsa and Ul'dah, but it's not unlikely for her to have been other places, as well. She doesn't frequent Ishgard much, but has been there at least once.

have you seen this man?

TBA: Basically, Ajhisi's partner, Lars, left her (and their other partner, Keoni) for dead after a shipwreck. Now, she's—somewhat casually—keeping her eyes peeled for Lars. Will she beat the shit out of him when she sees him again? Maybe.Let's discuss this one before running with it in any capacity.(Art of Lars by @OfTheLimbo)

others.

I'm open to discussing other scenarios!I'm also open to simpler ones. Maybe your character just thinks she's interesting looking. Maybe something weird just happened near our characters. Maybe your character notices she's having a great time at a tavern; maybe she's getting rowdy or she's being boisterous. Maybe she looks like she's about to cause trouble. Feel free to run it by me, and maybe we'll roll with it!

affiliated characters.

  CASSIAN SOLIDUS      @casxiv
Ajhisi and Cassian are criminal acquaintances.

  NELL KEATS     
✮⋆˙ One of Ajhisi's partners, newer to the polycule. They can occasionally be spotted together at market events, selling wares for Fortuitous Finds, a slapdash plundered goods stall.
Nell can do no wrong, if you ask her, and he's a great bard, don't you dare say otherwise.

  FIRSTNAME LASTNAME      npc
✮⋆˙ Interested in being one of Ajhisi's connections? Let me know, and we can try to figure something out!

npcs/alts.

  QIRAAT MUNIR     NPC — SIBLING
Qiraat is the only member of their family that Ajhisi still associates with. The pair ran away from home together when they were young and ended up in a life of piracy, eventually parting ways to join different crews, though they occasionally cross paths as needed.

  LARS LACEY      NPC — PARTNER (Unfortunately)
A Limsan man fortuitously present at the scene of a tavern brawl Ajhisi found herself entangled in. Initially a spectator, he joined the fray when it escalated, turning a two-person altercation into mayhem involving a dozen individuals. Amidst the altercation, Ajhisi was stabbed. Subsequently, with Ajhisi barely conscious, Lars brought her aboard his then-recently commandeered and sparsely crewed ship for recovery.
She would later learn that there were so few members of the crew because while Lars was expert at commandeering, he was less than proficient when it came to inspiring others to follow him. If you asked Ajhisi, she'd (mostly) lovingly say it's the fault of his shitty personality.Ajhisi has yet to reunite with Lars following a shipwreck which left her and their other partner, Keoni, marooned and lost at sea. The circumstances of the wreck have left Ajhisi especially bitter toward Lars.

  KEONI AHALEI      NPC — PARTNER
Ajhisi and Keoni were introduced to one another by Lars. Keoni, a lighthouse keeper, decided to take to the seas when he and Lars were teenagers. Occupying the role of ship's cook (and occasional, laughably unskilled "doctor"), Keoni was never entirely committed to the idea of being a pirate, not the way Ajhisi and Lars were. Ajhisi was almost immediately endeared to him, finding his softness refreshing.
The three became partners at Ajhisi's initial suggestion, though the interest was very much shared between them all.After a particularly nasty shipwreck, Ajhisi and Keoni were marooned at sea on an island together while Lars made it away suspiciously scot-free.

FORTUITOUS FINDS

OCCASIONAL VENDOR STALL      At times, Ajhisi may be found reluctantly vending market events, either alone or with one of her partners. 99% of the wares that they have for sale are stolen goods, either plundered or robbed from travelers on the road. Depending on the market, she will lie if asked where anything is sourced.No real gil, but tips are appreciated! Feel free to reach out if you'd like to use anything as an RP   hook or if you'd like to get involved with vending with Ajhisi!   

The stall—splintered crates stacked two-high, a wobbly table balanced with an old book jammed under one leg, a crooked rack of clothing items billowing in the breeze, a moth-eaten canopy above, and no rhyme or reason to the strange spread of items for sale on the table—looks more like someone’s slapdash yard sale gone wrong than a well put-together marketplace stall ought to look, and the woman running it looks so out of place as a vendor, it’d almost be funny—if she didn’t also look somewhat hostile. On approach, she can be heard exasperatedly saying:

❛ ‘Where’d we get this?’ Did ye miss the name o’the shop? Found it fortuitously, that’s all I’ll say. If ye ain’t gonna buy it, why’re ye wastin’ our time, ye bleedin’ ars— ❜

At least her partner looks nice…?

WARES & INVENTORY

  • LIMITED STOCK! SPECIAL!—LETTERS IN BOTTLES: Some are the genuine thing: bottles with letters sealed within them, having washed ashore somewhere only to be found by Ajhisi or her crew. Others… well… she… found them some other completely savoury way, and they're DEFINITELY not just letters she's stolen and stuffed into bottles... Limit 1 per customer. (Want to /roll for what you get? Let us know!)

  • SAND ART BOTTLES (Premade + Create Your Own): Glass bottles filled with layered, coloured sand, each unique in their colour combinations. A smaller table stands nearby with a sign fixed to it in slanted handwriting: CREATE YOUR OWN HERE! It’s complete with jars of dyed sand and empty receptacles to fill.

  • TRAVEL & ESCORT VOUCHERS: Slips for passage by sea via Ajhisi’s ship—or sky, via her sibling’s ship, if you ask. Need an escort somewhere on foot? Ajhisi likely knows someone for the job or can do it herself…for a hefty price. Each voucher is stamped with a particular seal, so don’t even try to fake them.

  • AGED, TANNED ANIMAL & MONSTER HIDES, PELTS, SKINS & MORE: Dzo, antelope, coeurl, or wolf. Some of these are bolts, strips or unpurposed lengths of the stuff, but there are a few gently used rugs and throws for sale, as well.

  • ASSORTMENTS OF CLOTHING: You name it, they’ve got one of it. Shirts, shorts, shoes, belts, shawls, cloaks, hats (especially hats). Oddly, there’s no consistent style to any of these, and a few of them look to be of mighty fine quality for the likes of Ajhisi…

  • MISCELLANEOUS POTIONS (?): Some are proper medicine (no refunds if you buy one that’s expired or half-empty). Others… are definitely not medicine. All crammed into a splintered milk crate full of the mismatched, foggy bottles. (Want to /roll for what you get? Let us know!)

  • DYES: Rusty, dented pails of dye with at least one shade of every colour. So what some of them are only half full and others look like they might have been watered down to look more full? They’re cheap.

  • TOBACCO, SNUFF BOXES & WOODEN PIPES: While supplies last, each purchase of a squeaky, brass-hinged snuff box (some with crests and/or monograms clearly filed or burned off) or chipped, hand-carved pipe comes with a small tin of tobacco.

  • WATER-LOGGED BOOKS: All mostly legible (plus some with notes in their margins). Salt-stained, sea-soaked, and slightly warped, the collection spans everything from captain’s logs (with pages torn from some) and adventurer’s journals to common histories and well-thumbed novels of every genre. Want a recommendation? Ask one of the vendors! They’ve (probably) read them all, or at least they’ll say they have.

  • SUSPICIOUS QUANTITIES OF TRADE GOODS:
    * A few large sacks of Black Cinnabar
    * A crate full of sachets of:
                 * Dried Bog Sage
                 * Coriander
                 * Rosemary
                 * Dill
    * Bundles of unlabeled tea leaves
    * A crate full of bricks of beeswax

Once unsealed from the aged brown beer bottle it’s been stuffed into, the letter is written in neat, formal handwriting—perhaps the hand of someone trained in the art of calligraphy. The paper is worn thin and somewhat faded, yet still legible, blemished here and there with stains from what appear to be droplets. Rain, or tears? It’s difficult to tell.

My Soleil,I had forgotten the path I once walked.I've been here before, when I was still young and naive to Eorzea.... I am still young and naive to Eorzea. But I'm wiser for my travels.Sometimes I still think about everything I was taught back in the guild. They took me in when I was in need, giving me a home and place to rest. A place to feel normal. But of course good things never lasted long within that tree hollow.I don't blame them for my treatment. Nor do I expect apologies. It was my own fault, really. I should have used my teachings. And yet I refused.but I'm glad I did. I'm happy for all the heartache, the misery, the sleepless nights and empty belly. And yes- even the tears.Because in the end, they all led me to you.It's bittersweet... But here I am hoping once more that these tears and sleepless nights and empty belly lead me back to you all over again. I've a story to tell you too, after this visit. I hope you're listening closely.Yours everlasting,
Tati

A clean mismatch to the grimy bottle it was shoved into, the letter remains scrolled with seal unbroken, its body scrawled in a neatly legible cursive—spaced, as if with great contemplation. The unfurled paper smells unmistakably like chocolate chip cookies, but one end is smeared gratuitously with the distinct dingy brown of long-dried blood.

Dear    Sir,As is likely painfully apparent by now, I've become a great admirer of your   performances. And your compositions on the piano—which I've heard, somewhat regrettably, less in your own productions as echoed at the hands of others. My late brother was a concert pianist, and so I confess I find some measure of comfort in their symmetry, however incomparable the connection may be.Now the hard part... Normally, I'd never be so forward as to offer, but I was complimenting your soliloquy in The Dravanian Play to Lady Maugraine yesterday, and she insists that I invite you out to lunch. She is not herself a regular patron of the theater, and I fear my animated ramblings may have bored her such that she implores me to seek alternative company. Rather funny, isn’t it?I have little to offer by way of actual expertise, however I've recently unearthed a peculiar painting that I'd like your opinion on. I have a feeling you may enjoy it, if our previous conversation was any indicator of your interest in artwork. As well, perhaps, a half-writ musical composition that could use a third set of eyes... And I faultingly admit that I should simply like to have you all to myself, for an hour or two.If     interested, name a time and place, and I will make it happen.
I'll post this letter with the usual flowers next I see you onstage (And I hope we shall speak again soon, either way.)
Warmest regards,
K. Barker

While its tone is carefree, this letter is written on delicate, grainy paper as if designed to be burned. It even smells lightly of spark powder. Curled in the center of the scroll is the thick, oil-slick feather of a crow.

Cas,We'll see if this one makes it... most of the birds are already enroute, so I'll have to rely on the retirees, and we both know how that usually goes for me.You finally asked for my advice! Don't know if I should be flattered or offended, but I'll settle for the former. As usual, you're thinking too much in terms of assets. Partially my fault, I'll admit, but don't let all that military mumbo-jumbo sink too deep into your brain meat. I know you've been fighting since the beginning, but any good resistance must needs do a little shape-shifting in order to stay relevant to public interests, and the body of ours has changed countless times since we signed up. Rest is critical—and I don't mean the kind where you're pillaging the Ruby Sea. Eventually you're going to have to lay down for a while if you want to get better. You have time now; don't waste it.You know my philosophy: facts are king. Consider what you know, and what you don't—and be objective, first. Don't appraise it. Don't dismiss anything. Don't value facts against other facts right away. Lay it all out in front of you, then find your connections and see where they lead. In this case, I'd recommend you weigh the outcomes and come to terms with the one that you'd prefer. Read that last part a second time. The outcome you'd PREFER!And for what it's worth, sometimes the best way to solve a problem like yours is to kiss it on the mouth. Oops, did I say that?Always rooting for you, brother.
Here if you need me.

V.

The letter looks worse for wear once pulled from the aged, brown beer bottle. Only half remains—the rest torn away—but what survives is still legible, and reads as follows:

— could call in a favor from your friends in Costa del Sol? I’m itching to see if that rumor I heard from this cute sky pirate I met at The Wench about treasure stashed in the coral northeast of the aetheryte has any truth to it. I scoped the place, and I’m certain I’ve pinned it down.Only trouble is…One: Opylona swears there’s been a rise in shark activity. She wasn’t much help beyond that. She went on about her “Master” this-or-that. Sounds like a bastard.Two: the sharks. There is a big one out there that circles the reef.Three: a ship’s anchored nearby every damned time I’ve gone. The Saltworn Captain at the helm never fails to spot me, screaming about "lowlifes” as he drives me off.So if you can get someone to shift his ship, or just tell him to stop meddling, I’ll split the haul with you.If not, I’ll pester you about it anyway when we meet next moon for Pa’s nameday?Love,
Texa’zi

OOC NOTE: This letter can serve as something of a soft launch for a little treasure-hunting event I'm thinking about trying out! If you’d like your character (and maybe a few of their friends/companions!) to roleplay out a scene where they follow the clues and seek out the spot mentioned in the letter, you’re welcome to. There won’t be any actual treasure waiting in the world itself, but if you send me (_elsable on Discord) a screenshot of where you think the letter points to, we can arrange to meet in-game afterward, and I’ll reward you with 50k gil and a random minion for your efforts. :)

What's this? An actually clear, long-necked bottle and not an old, smelly, brown beer bottle? Wow! The letter within it is written in neat, formal handwriting—perhaps the hand of someone trained in the art of calligraphy.

My Soleil,I've become quite good at making fires now. I suppose that's a good thing.It's funny. My brother is so obsessed with water, you'd think I'd get used to it myself as well. and despite the tangle being only about shin deep, I can't help but panic when I look in the water.No matter if it's my reflection, or nothing at all. It feels as if something- or someone will reach out to pull me in, never to return.It both overjoyed me, and broke my heart to be able to speak to you again, you know. To actually catch a response. But was it truly you?I am coming. I swear it.
But what will be awaiting me? What must be perfect before my arrival? You spoke of wanting to show me everything... But will the end results be worth it?
I'm coming regardless.
I'm already there, in a sense.
And I fear I always will be.
Have I always been so watched? Sometimes it's as if Mehniam's eyes are still placed on me. Watching. /Hunting/. It feels the same.I told you I would give anything at all, do anything at all. The right reasons, the wrong way, as they say.... I'll be there soon. Hold a hand out for me, okay?Yours,
Now, Forever, always,
Tatiana

It’s newer paper, to be sure, but it’s heavily wrinkled, as if fresh from the depths of some unattended pocket. There’s even a greasy thumbprint on one corner, as if the letter’s original reader had been enjoying a greasy snack. The author’s handwriting is thin and reedy, and their spelling is atrocious.

Hi Bucket,Your monolitihc ass wasn't budging this morning, so I gave up trying to say goodbye before you started crushing arms and legs like a fucinkg crab crackr.Away today. Don't freak out. Airship to Dravania to harvest rare figs for a resostk. Fucking cold ass. Brining home the seeds this time so we can try to grow them ourselves. Remembr to turn the kettle off wehn you're done after breakfast or you'll burn the house down. Yeah, I brought jackets. And I took your downy coats frm the pile. If you get lonely, lnikpearl me. Figs ain't gonna mind.Kind of stupid to be traveling so much we hardly have tim to open shop. Need more botinists to emply, but they're all so busy fucking botaning that I don't even knoe where to starrt.Anyawy, I'll bring home some porchini for dinner and you can tlel me all the weird shit you did today. Maybe you'll find us a fucking gatherer, fi you're lucky.Love You LoserP.S. I juts got the joke about the brroom. It wasn't funny.
P.P.P.S. I brought gloves too.

A clear, nicked, slightly cracked bottle holds three water-stained notes rolled up to make them look like one. Be grateful: you got three for the price of one!

Toto-Rak Expedition Notes (1)Dangerous fauna encountered upon entering cave. Culling as per mission parameters. Expect to encounter more as we press deeper.Toto-Rak Expedition Notes (2)Engaged with sizable fiend. Succeeded in exterminating, but casualties mounting. Must consider turning back if situation worsens.Toto-Rak Expedition Notes (3)Diremite infestation confirmed. Scores of eggs on verge of hatching, beyond our means to deal with. Aborting mission. Subsequent parties beware.

A champagne-green claret bottle holds the letter, rolled tight and bound in ratty twine... it's a shabby and shameful means of sealing this particular lettersheet, which is still clean and unmarred despite the years that have presumably passed since it was written. Unrolled, the penmanship is artfully flourished cursive, each i and j topped with a slanted tittle, and in the bottom right corner, a treble clef is sketched in dark ink beside the rough outline of an autumn leaf.

Dearest Patron of the Arts,I’m embarrassed to confess that I spent an absurd amount of time debating how to open this first letter to you.The overlong manuals on etiquette would suggest some customary pleasantries, a ‘how are you’ or an ‘I hope this letter finds you well,’ but the former strikes me as unnecessary and the latter as self-evident; of course I hope you’re well.You're an exceedingly polite man, I know you've read those manuals. Be honest with me: don’t you find them so tedious sometimes?I know I do, so I would prefer to come directly to the matter at hand: an apology. I left our last exchange very… abruptly. I assure you it was not your fault or the result of the conversation (which is always a rare delight compared to the stagedoor banalities I usually endure. I don’t mean to be cruel in saying so, they just become so humdrum over time). It was a fit of malady that sent me off, though that’s hardly an excuse. I believe I slammed a door on my way out which was, as they say, a dick move. Can you find it in your grace to forgive me?To sweeten the pot, I have enclosed a ticket to our matinee performance of “Into the Twelveswood” at Mih Khetto’s Amphitheatre, where a private box will (hopefully, if Estaine is to be believed) be arranged and reserved for you. Take it as my apology, if you will, but also a selfish desire to see you in the audience again.Did you think it ended there? It may have, if I was not feeling emboldened (dangerous, for me, you may come to learn) by three glasses of warmwine.I’ll leave you with this: since the performance concludes most conveniently in time for dinner, I would very much like to continue our usual post-performance dalliance conversation over a meal.Yours truly,
Briar Essex

An old brown beer bottle with a sizable crack down the side holds an even older looking rolled up parchment. There’s a stain on it, unidentifiable, but thankfully it doesn’t distort the writing.

Grandma’s Mashed PopotosIngredients½ cup Cottage cheese
2 Wild popotos
½ stick of Smooth butter
½ cup Sweet cream
8 cloves Garlean garlic
Chop popotos into cubes, then boil popotos and garlic together until popotos are soft. Mash with fork or side of knife. Mix in butter, cottage cheese, and sweet cream until smooth. Serve while still warm. Adjust measurements for more or less servings.

An off-green bottle with a few nicks and scrapes down the side. Within it is a stained and torn parchment written in chickenscratch handwriting.

Trapper's QuicheIngredients1 eft tail (cooked, diced)
3 Apkallu eggs
1 prepared pie dough (9-ilms)
½ cup cream cheese
¼ tsp ground nutmeg
6 fresh Midland basil leaves, chopped
Preheat your oven or cookstove. Lay your pie dough in a pie plate. Beat the eggs with cream cheese, nutmeg, and chopped basil.In a medium skillet, sauté the finely diced eft tail over flame until golden brown.Add the browned eft tail to the mixture of eggs, cream cheese, nutmeg, and basil, and pour the mixture into the pie dough, spreading it into even layers.Bake until golden, around 35 minutes.Note: reheated over campfire and it was unevenly heated. disgusting served cold. Leftovers not very good. Add cheese to top.

An off-green bottle with a few nicks and scrapes down the side. Within it is a dirty, blood-stained note, torn at one corner. The cursive of the handwriting is plain, unstylized, but the ink is a deep, shimmering black, so dark and preserved it's almost hard to look away from.

Toto-Rak Dweller's Notes (1)First Spear Rydel, wandering the dark...The glow on the walls—did you mistake it for light?Count your companions, this one thinks. One torch sputters, one footfall fades.Culling as the maw so bids...

An off-green bottle with a few nicks and scrapes down the side. Within it is a stained and torn parchment written in fancy handwriting. There's a droplet stain at the top. Ale, maybe? It smells faintly of it.

Dear Lullert,I’ve heard Buscarron’s Druthers has been getting a lot of folks passing through lately. The proprieter told me Tuesdays are their busiest nights lately.I know someone as busy as you probably can’t keep track of every tavern in the Twelveswood. Sometimes I forget not everyone has all the free time I do!It’s a tavern in the South Shroud, just west of Quarrymill. You know Quarrymill right?It’s a nice spot to grab an ale, listen to a bard, and forget your troubles. Last week, I even saw someone dancing with swords!Let me know if you want to check it out sometime. Could be a nice little break. You could use one.Love,
Bert